Today I baked some banana bread. This made a bit of a mess, but I cleaned things up with one exception: I thoroughly rinsed all the dishes I had used, but didn't fully wash them and left them in the sink for the moment.

A moment ago my spouse asked "Is it fair to make K. wash those dishes"?

I must be a bad parent because my first thought was "who cares?"

Now, this was mainly because I was irritated at an un-subtle guilt trip. I do care about what is fair, but I don't generally think about it all that much. I try to invest my time and care into what I can do that will make the lives of the people around me better. The past couple days this included putting together a rack to hold all the shoes that get jumbled on the floor and mounting it on the wall so it isn't in the way. I've also put away all the soda that everybody else was too lazy to and took out the trash repeatedly even when it was K's chore for the day. Was all this "fair"? It also involved baking banana bread that so far everyone who ate has enjoyed. I had two pieces and the loaf is almost gone. Is that "fair"?

If I worried about "fair" I'd spend a lot of effort and emotion that would only make myself and the people around me unhappy. What does concern for "fair" get me? That attitude is more about what I get in comparison to the people around me. There will ALWAYS be people who are not required to do something I dislike, but am required to do. There will ALWAYS be people who have things I want but don't get. There will ALWAYS be people who don't have to deal with things that really bother me.

Whether this is "fair" or not is irrelevant. I could "fair" myself into misery with very little effort or I can look at the flip side. It is also true that no matter how little I have there will always be something I have and love that other people want. If I worry about finding ways to share this it helps me appreciate having it all the more. When I succeed in sharing the benefits are difficult to count.

When I share what I have with someone it strengthens my relationship with that person. It says that I care about them and that they matter to me. When that sharing comes out of a true selflessness, then it also strengthens my relationship with myself. It improves my self image and since I spend twenty four hours a day, seven days a week with myself that benefit is more valuable than I can say. On top of that every one of these benefits makes future interactions more likely to be positive and supportive. This is the kind of feedback loop we could definitely use more of in this world.